I haven't felt as motivated to blog lately. I have been forcing myself to post a few updates but I don't have the same energy for it that I used to. I don't feel particularly creative or funny. I just post a few pictures and boring statements about what it was we were doing at the time.
I think I finally figured out what my problem is.
There are so many deeply moving and sad blogs out there. In the last few months I have read too many heart breaking stories about the deaths of babies, toddlers, children and grandmothers. The stories come directly from the souls who are struggling to make sense of what they are going through. I don't seek the sadness. These are not blogs of strangers. The stories are from friends and friends of friends and are just unimaginably sad. They are a reminder to me of how lucky I am. They should serve as a reminder to me of why I like to blog. Instead it feels a little like I am boasting about how good we have it. How did we get so lucky? At least for now. I wonder, can Keith and I make it through our entire marriage without any major blows? Odds are not in our favor. But maybe? So far, so good. Our hardest year was when Keith was laid off just two weeks after Sam was born. But I still had my job so Keith and I were able to spend the rest of my maternity leave together with Sam and Keith had the opportunity to be a stay-at-home daddy for the first year. We didn't really struggle other than my long commute. Does that count toward paying any dues towards suffering? The commute was really, really bad...I hope that counts for something. But I enjoyed my job and working in San Francisco so maybe I can't really call that suffering.
(I would eat lunch here at Levi plaza almost daily)
But there were somedays when I would race out of the office at 5:30 and try to get home before 7:00 but get there just a moment too late and just miss Sam.
Despite Keith's efforts to keep him awake, Sam would drift off while I would sit in my car on 280.
Hard for me...but not a terrible hardship.
I was still able to watch my healthy baby boy sleep peacefully and I had the pleasure of seeing him wake in the morning to nurse before I left for work.
We are very blessed/lucky. Whatever you want to call it.
I am thankful for it.
Okay, back to writing about fun, light, happy things.
Life can change quickly.